Stop wanting what you want
My client Sarah had been manifesting her dream job for over a year—vision boards, affirmations, daily journaling about her corner office. But despite all the effort, nothing happened.
Then, I told her to stop wanting it entirely. Three weeks later, she got the offer.
Here’s what shifted, and why your burning desire might be the very thing holding you back from what you truly want.
Why Desperation Blocks Success
When you desperately want something, your brain creates what’s called "approach anxiety." This is the mental tension between where you are and where you want to be.
This creates stress and tunnel vision, which floods your system with cortisol. Instead of seeing new opportunities, you fixate on the one “perfect” outcome, missing everything else.
You also start radiating need. Whether you’re at an interview, networking event, or even on a date, people pick up on that desperate energy. And guess what? We’re biologically wired to move away from neediness and toward confident, self-assured energy.
The Power of Detached Action
Sarah’s breakthrough came when she shifted her energy from “I need this job” to “I’m curious about what’s next for me.”
Notice the difference? Same actions—she still applied for jobs, networked, and prepared for interviews—but her approach was totally different.
This isn’t about becoming passive or waiting for the universe to make things happen for you. It’s about acting from abundance, not scarcity. When you’re not desperately attached to one specific outcome, you make better decisions. You see more opportunities. You show up as someone others want to collaborate with.
How to Want Without Desperation
Start by shifting your mindset:
Move from “I need X to be happy” to “I’m already whole, and X would be fun to experience.”
Next, practice what I call “outcome independence.”
- Set your goal.
- Take action.
- Release the timeline and the exact form it takes.
Maybe your dream job shows up as expected. Or maybe something even better comes along that you didn’t plan for.
The magic happens when you genuinely don’t mind either way. That’s when new opportunities start showing up because you’re relaxed enough to actually notice them.
A Simple Exercise to Try This Week
Pick something you’ve been desperately wanting—whether it’s a job, relationship, or any personal goal.
Keep taking action toward it, but shift your thinking:
“This would be nice, but I’m already complete.”
Notice how it changes your energy. Pay attention to how others respond to you.
Try it for a week. I’d love to hear what shifts for you.
Your Turn: Try practicing this mental shift and let me know how it feels. Hit reply and tell me what discoveries you make this week!